Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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