There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
