i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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