whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
