Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
