Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
