Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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