ya dads aren't the best wingmen
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
