You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
