It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
