Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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