This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
