If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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