Are we in a gay sports bar?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
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