Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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