Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
