If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
But break dance skills will only take you so far
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
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