he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
