She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
she smelled like a LAN party
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
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