So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
