You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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