You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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