Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
