If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
