i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Come share oat with me in your robe
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
