I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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