it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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