He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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