If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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