I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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