I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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