Banned from zoo.
Again?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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