hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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