she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize
