I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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