the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
