you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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