Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
