You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
