would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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