Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
