Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
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You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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