Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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