Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Randomize
