Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
of course. lets lasso hookers.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
