if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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