I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
