Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
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