Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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