Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
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