I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
You ruined the universe
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
