SEEEEXXX PLEASE
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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