community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
