I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
