the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
