You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
