Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
