why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
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There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
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Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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