HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sick fucks of a feather flock together
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize