i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
My butt remains clenched, sir.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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