I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
