I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
