Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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