I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
