you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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