Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
The power of my boobs compel you
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
