Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
