We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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